Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
