Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
