The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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