Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
