You just made me feel so damn special
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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