My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
