You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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