these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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