i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
