A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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