no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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