My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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