my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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