God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
