Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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