your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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