seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
