she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
