What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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