I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
