More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Acid is not a monday night drug
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize