I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
