Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
