I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
sex in a hospital.. check
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
