he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
