he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i've created a new STD.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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