Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
did i walk over a car last night?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
