I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
