Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
