I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
