Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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