What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
