I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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