I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
