I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
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