Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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