im about as happy as oj after his trial
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
