No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
false alarm, still single
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
