coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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