Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My ATM looks so different sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize