Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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