some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
