Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
