im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
