you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
