She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
