Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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