So drunk its hurt
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
