how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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