Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
