Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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