I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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