we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
