so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
