Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
