Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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