Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
