she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
