My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
