I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Success! We fucked roommates!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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