i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
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I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
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That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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