I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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