Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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