My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?