I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.