Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
