This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...