Where is the hickey?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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