Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
