Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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