We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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