hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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