If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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