so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
