and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We are two peas in an std pod
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
