Please, let me fuck your mom
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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