Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize