he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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