i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
