Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
