party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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