did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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