dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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