My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
