theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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